So my wife is on an dirty hippie organic-super-all-natural health kick, yet I try to remain steadfast to the frugal values that reside deep within my core.

How do you think this usually turns out?

Gone forever are the 10 for $10 packs of mystery hot dogs and bleached white synthetic buns.  Gone are the BOGO’s of Hungry Man’s, $.99 2-liters, and half-price pints of Ben & Jerry’s.  Instead my body is being pumped full of whole grains, organic, fiber-induced goodness that I admit has kept me delightfully regular but has also left my wallet noticeably thinner.  All those additives actually make things cheaper! Who woulda’ thunk it?  But alas…

With all that said I am sure you can understand my apprehension while shopping over the weekend when I heard the wheels of my wife’s cart squeal over to the frozen food aisle where I was gazing longingly at my old friend, the Eskimo Pie.

I miss you, old friend...

“Umm,” she starts.  “can you come and look at something and make sure you’re seeing the same thing I am?”

Sweet, perhaps a blue light special on all hemp personal grooming products or patchouli scented eau du toiltte! I snickered to myself as I was led away by my invisible leash toward the meat department.

“It says this ground bison is only $1.50 a pound instead of $5.99 but I don’t get why.”

Always the skeptic I examined those packages from every angle, checking dates, color, label…and it all looked fine.  I even took a few over to the courtesy price scanner at the end of the toy isle, and every time got the same response:

***BEEP! $1.50 you cheap fuck! BEEP!***

I was convinced, and turned to my beautiful bride and gave her a toothy smile and a subtle nod conveying my eternal love.

“Cool, lets get a couple then.” she replied.

“THE HELL WE WILL!” I shot back.  We were getting them all…21 of ‘em!

Anyone have any good bison recipes?

Hoarding bona fide hormone-free, no anitbiotics, leaner-than-chicken, moo-free red meat is the exact reason why basement freezers were invented, after all.  Is it not?

And on the front of that freezer?  Like on overly-proud parent displaying their child’s first perfect spelling test on the refrigerator door with an over-sized magnet, the was but one last detail left:

A happy reminder everytime I go to prepare a healthy meal